Praying for Rain, Part II

Remember earlier this month when James Dobson's buttboy Stuart Shepard prayed that God would make it rain during Obama's acceptance speech? Shepard prayed for,

...abundant rain, torrential rain... flood-advisory rain. I'm talking about umbrella-ain't-gonna-help-you rain... swamp-the-intersections rain.

Obama's speech went off without a hitch. It was lovely, really.

But God has not ignored the Christers, answering the rain part of Shepard's prayer, though He got the event wrong. [Ditzy diety!]

Hurricane Gustav, now a category 3 hurricane, is expected to hit landfall tomorrow, on the first day of the GOP convention, as a category 5 hurricane. [Katrina was a 3] According to the Telegraph UK, New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin warned that the fast-approaching Hurricane Gustav would be "the mother of all storms," and has ordered an evacuation.

Hurricane Gustav is nipping at the heals of Katrina's wrath. Only last Thursday did a group of funeral home owner inter the unclaimed remains of 80 Katrina victims. 1600 people died during Hurricane Katrina. Most were over the age of 75.

What were Bush and McCain doing?



Celebrating McCain's 69th birthday. They'd like you to know that you, too, can eat cake.

Quoting Stuart Shepard, "...on a particular night, say, at a particular location," plans are changing.

According to Politico,

Officials of the convention, the Republican Party, the White House and the McCain campaign were all scrambling this weekend to rewrite more than a year of planning for what they had hoped would be a joyful four days starting Monday... Republican officials here are preparing for radical changes to every element of the convention. If the storm is as bad as feared, they will dramatically alter the tone of the speeches, cut way back on the partisan red meat, eliminate the glitzy entertainment and, if they can do so legally, use the gathering for a massive fundraising drive that may even feature a passing of buckets on the convention floor to benefit the Red Cross, according to a top GOP source.

At best the Bible bangers may hope that the vengeful Yahweh is giving the GOP another chance to get it right in New Orleans after their last colossal fuckup. At worst they might have to admit that their god does not appreciate being treated like a bitch.

McCain, perhaps knowing how useless the current administration is in the face of Gustav, leaked to reporters this,

GOP Prayer Point
I would like all of us, obviously, to keep in our thoughts and our prayers the people of the Gulf Coast, especially New Orleans, that are threatened by this terrible natural disaster, the hurricane.

President Bush will now not be appearing at the opening of the GOP convention and chances are that McCain and Palin will be appearing only by satellite as they are traveling to New Orleans today.

If McCain can remember the location of some of his houses, he might want to offer them as temporary shelter to some of the displaced victims of the coming storm.

- My Earlier Post | Imprecatory Prayer Against Obama Offered By Dobson's Buttboy
- Politico | Storm scrambles GOP convention
- Telegraph UK | New Orleans mayor orders evacuation before Hurricane Gustav hits
- CBS News | Katrina Victims Are Buried, 3 Years After

VPILF

I'm just saying.

- VPILF.com
- Thanks | Stranger

The Return of the Repressed

- The Stranger | Youth Pastor Watch
- Sigmund Freud | Moses and Monotheism

McCain's Bringing His Own Intern

Monica Lewinsky plus Phyllis Schlafly equals Sarah Palin.

She's pro-life, anti-gay marriage, hunts and likes hockey. Oh, and she almost won the Miss Alaska contest in 1984. She came in second.

She's been governor of Alaska for a little over two years. Before that she was mayor of Wasilla, an Alaskan town of 6000-8000.

She's suing the federal government over putting the polar bear on the endangered species list.

Here's Glenn Beck's take from a couple of months ago:

- JohnMcCain.com | The Ticket for America

Dove è Bill Donohue?

The pope's red satin panties are all in a twist over a three foot wooden statue of a crucified frog. The wooden sculpture, "Zuerst die Fuesse" (First the Feet) was created by artist Martin Kippenberger as a self-portrait. It hangs in the Museion in the city of Bolzano, Italy.

The pope wrote to Franz Pahl, the president of the region,

[The sculpture] has offended the religious feelings of many people who consider the cross a symbol of God's love and of our redemption.

Pahl was so upset by the sculpture that he went on a hunger strike last summer.

- AP | Italy museum defies pope anger over crucified frog
- Jonathan Turley | Thanks.

Have You Received McCain's Telegram Yet?

R.J. Shulman writes,

"Speculation is running high that as soon as Dick Cheney tells McCain who his running mate will be, that telegraph keys will be clacking all over the country," a McCain aid said. "This bold move into new advanced technology should dispel any notion that I am old and behind the times," said McCain dressed in a tye-dyed shirt, Nehru jacket and wide elephant bell pants, an outfit McCain claims is a move to connect himself with today’s youth trends.

- Dandelion Salad | McCain to announce VP choice by telegraph

Gather Round, Children

Illustrated Stories From The Bible, by Paul John Farrell and illustrated by Kathy Demchuck. According to the Amazon product discription, stories include, Elisha and the Bears; Jephtha's Daughter; Little Gershom's Penis; Uriah the Hittite; David's Census; Moses Helps God Understand; Slaughter Of the Midianites; Famine In Samaria; Where Giants Came From; Wives For the Benjamites; and When Jesus Drowned the Pigs.

Elisha and the Bears is pictured on the cover. The prophet Elisha was ridiculed by a group of children. He curses the children and two mother bears kill 42 of of them. Read 2 Kings 2:23-24:

And he went up from thence unto Bethel: and as he was going up by the way, there came forth little children out of the city, and mocked him, and said unto him, Go up, thou bald head; go up, thou bald head. And he turned back, and looked on them, and cursed them in the name of the LORD. And there came forth two she bears out of the wood, and tare forty and two children of them.

Though probably needless to say, this book is not safe for small children.

- Amazon.com | Illustrated Stories From The Bible
- Skeptics Annotated Bible | Elisha and the Bears
- Thanks, | Cynical-C

Jesus Seen in a Moth

Pittsburg, TX
Kirk Harper found the face of Jesus on the back of this moth that was sitting on an RV.

I immediately thought it looked like Jesus and that was what was so cool cause you've seen His face in grilled cheese sandwiches and windows and things but on a moth's back...we thought that was pretty neat.

The owner of the RV took it to his church where they are keeping it. The moth is being offered for sale so the congregation can move their church.

Jesus' pigtails sucks.

- KLTV | Do you see Jesus in this moth?

Bush/McCain Tijuana Bible [NSFW]

Geez, I wish I had one of these things. Mark Frauenfelder, at BoingBoing.net writes,

Ethan Persoff (the fellow who is covering the riot police at the DNC) has printed a special edition of his (X-rated) McCain "Tijuana Bible" to hand out to folks at the convention.

Tijuana Bibles are miniature porn chap books. You can still pick them up now and then on EBay. The text at the bottom of this one reads,

The Adventures of Fuller Bush Man & John McCAIN in "Obliging Lady" (Front Cover)
1934 Tijuana Bible featuring George W Bush and John McCain. Oldest known John McCain memorabilia. See the complete eight page document (including covers) at http://www.ep.tc/mccain-bible

Above the address square, above, it reads, "Stamp store name or religious institution here." Underneath it reads, "1934 Lieberman's Lil' Squeezer Books #103-B Connecticut U.S.A."

Stay Classy, Donald Wildmon

Cracker Donald Wildmon, of the American Family Association of Tupelo, Mississippi, is calling for his minions to vent their spleens at Hallmark for publishing greeting cards geared toward gay marriages and coming out.

Wildmon writes,

Hallmark is a private company obviously driven by greed. Let them know you do not appreciate Hallmark promoting a lifestyle which is illegal in 48 states.

My guess is he wrote "48 states" because gay marriage is currently legal in Massachusetts and California, and not because he doesn't know that Hawaii and Alaska were recently added to the Confederacy.

I suggest he start his own greeting card line, the "Stay Classy" line. Here's my first suggestion (left). Inside,

Men are more needed than you may think,
They'll pick you up when you need a drink.

(If McCain wins the election, I expect to be named the country's poet laureate.)

- AFA ActionAlert | Hallmark pushes same-sex marriage
- J-Walk | Hallmark Protest

In My Father's House Are Many Mansions

John McCain is doing his best to emulate Jesus, who told his disciples,

In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
John 14:2

See? The verse is, not coincidentally, in the book of John.

John McCain is doing his best to create Heaven on Earth, and as all good leaders do, he begins with himself. If this were not true, would he and his wife be wearing "of the people" jeans on their Architectural Digest cover?

Remember, exegesis is always FREE at Adult Christianity.

Putting the Grrr... in Gratitude

As a kid I loved the movie Shenandoah, mostly for the theme song. I watched it again recently and was moved by the following prayer, offered by Jimmie Stewart's character, at a family dinner.

Lord, we cleared this land. We plowed it, sowed it, and harvested it. We cooked the harvest. It wouldn't be here and we wouldn't be eatin' it if we hadn't done it all ourselves. We worked dog-bone hard for every crumb and morsel, but we thank you Lord just the same for the food we're about to eat. Amen.

Christians and the therapeutic community are big on an "attitude of gratitude," but their gratitude often seems misplaced. It's important to understand reality, what you actually did for yourself.

I remember years ago, when I still went to church, driving a church member to her naturalization ceremony here in L.A. I drove to pick her up, ferried her downtown to the Staples Center, paid for parking, sat through the ceremony, and later drove her to a celebration. When we got there she couldn't stop thanking Jesus for making sure she had a ride to her swearing in. Excuse me? Jesus? I was the one that drove her ass all over town.

If there is a god and that god is epitomized in Truth, with a capital "T" as Christians claim their god is, then that god would appreciate Jimmie Stewart's prayer because it's true.

Gratitude, as a principle divorced from reality, seems to ignore the very people upon whom the grateful person's blessings, or privileges, are based - often women, the poor, and people of color, not to mention one's self.

We should be aware of the wonders of daily life, but gratitude is, more often than not, a way of distancing ourselves from our own and other's contributions for these things. That said, no one sums it up like Bart Simpson, saying grace at a Thanksgiving dinner,

We paid for this ourselves, so thanks for nothing.

- IMDB.com | Shenandoah

Jesus is Impressed

Ah, poor Jesus.

- The Jesus Pan
- Crosswalk.com | Godly or Gaudy?

http://slog.thestranger.com/?sn

Love it.

Thanks, Slog.

Athiests, your help please?

From Fundies Say the Darndest Things.

Athiests, your help please?
I want a Corvette so I emptied out my garage and put a bottle of Valvoline motor oil in the middle of the garage and waited for it to evolve into a corvette. Nothing has happened yet. What's up, where is evolution ? I need the Corvette by the first 1st of the next month, I don't have millions of years.

Try prayer.

- Fundies Say the Darndest Things | Athiests, your help please?

Why People Believe in Religion

Rainbows are so gay.

It's 10:00 O'Clock. Do You Know Where Your Seed Is?

The Knights of Columbus and the Archdiocese of Chicago's Office for Evangelization are sponsoring the Reclaiming Fatherhood conference in Brook, IL on September 8-9. Taglined A Multifaceted Examination of Men Dealing With Abortion the conference promises to address the thoughts and feelings of men as the silent victims of abortion.

You know how men sometimes say, "We're pregnant"? Well, now, according to Christian counselor Mark B. Morrow they're saying, "I've had an abortion." Only they haven't, really. They just didn't prevent a woman from having one. Perhaps the workshop "Forgiveness Therapy With Post-Abortion Men" will help heal the wounds these horrid women have inflicted on them.

Before conservative Christians knew about the harm that abortion wreaks on men, it was women they were concerned about. In 1987 President Reagan asked then Surgeon General C. Everett Koop to look into the matter.

...Koop refused to publish a study of the physical and psychological effects on women of abortion because the study found no evidence that the procedure harms women.

Science has not helped the prolifers make their case that abortion harms women. At the Archives of General Psychiatry a study concludes,

Most women do not experience psychological problems or regret their abortion 2 years postabortion, but some do. Those who do tend to be women with a prior history of depression.

Since women have so abysmally failed as poster children of abortion regret, men will have to step in and fill their shoes. According the LA Times,

The Justice Foundation (formerly the Texas Justice Foundation) recently began soliciting affidavits from men; one online link promises, "Your story will help legal efforts to end abortion." Silent No More encourages men to testify at rallies.

Vincent M. Rue, a therapist and the co-director of the Institute for Pregnancy Loss, urges men to monitor themselves for signs of post-abortion trauma. They are told to look for the three "i's" - irritability, insomnia and impotence.

If all this were about men and their feelings, that would be one thing, but the motivation is political - the result this men's movement seeks is an end to abortion. What they're hoping is that the tears of white men will be the seeds of change

- Reclaiming Fatherhood| MenAndAbortion.info
- LA Times | Changing abortion's pronoun
- Fox Business | Knights Sponsor Chicago Conference on Abortion's Effects on Fathers
- Fathers of Aborted Babies | National Office of Post-Abortion Reconciliation and Healing
- California Catholic Daily | "Forgotten piece of the equation"
- Focus on the Family | Post-Abortion Kit For Men - only $26.00
- YouTube.com | Happy Birthday, by Piper of Flipsyde, rap to an aborted baby

ANTIDOTE: Monty Python's Every Sperm Is Sacred

Bill Maher's Religulous

[changed - thanks for the nod]

Bill Maher talks about his movie, Religulous, on Larry King.

- Religulous
- Disbelief.net

Another Whiskey Tango Minister Bites the Dust

Until recently Todd Bentley, 32, is (or was) the pastor of Fresh Fire Ministries and a noted Canadian televangelist. He is taking time out after it was discovered that he was emotionally involved with a female staffer. Bentley and his wife have separated.

As a youth Bentley struggled with drugs and alcohol and, according to the Canadian National Post was convicted of sexually assaulting a 7-year-old boy.

Bentley is noted for his many tattoos and piercings, for his claims of raising the dead and trips to heaven to hobnob with the high and mightly, and for his flamboyant and often aggressive preaching style. During healing services Bentley has physically assaulted his supplicants. Watch him knee a stage 4 colon cancer patient in the stomach.

- National Post | B. C. healer, televangelist withdraws for his own healing
- Whatsup? | More on Todd Bentley from Apostasy Alert

Fiction Writers Confirm Obama Not Antichrist

It's official. Obama is probably not the antichrist, at least according to Left Behind authors Tim LaHaye and Jerry Jenkins.

I can see by the language he uses why people think he could be the antichrist, but from my reading of scripture, he doesn't meet the criteria. There is no indication in the Bible that the antichrist will be an American.

That's right - you have it on the very best authority that Obama is probably not the fictional character The Antichrist.

- ChristianNewsWire.com | Left Behind Authors Speak Out on McCain Ad 'The One'
- IMDB | Gordon Currie is the True Antichrist Nicolae Carpathia (above left)

It's Knot Jesus

North Carolina
Some people say the knot in the tree looks like Jesus.

- Salisbury Post | Some see image of Christ in parsonage tree

UK Decorator Creatively Avoids the "N" Word

This is my "good side."

Harridan Karen H. Pittman over at RenewAmerica.com calls Senator Barrack Obama,

Britney Hussein Obama Spears

and says about his career as a politician,

Well, it beats rapping.

Ms. Pittman is an "award-winning poet." Her first book, "The Awful Colossus of Longing," is eagerly awaited by her adoring fans. In her spare time she works as an interior decorator.

- RenewAmerica.com | Britney Hussein Obama Spears
- Hard Write Turn | "My Name is Karen" [poem]

Because I Fucking Like Gordon Ramsay, All Right?

"Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."
Proverbs 22:6

"When It Comes On The Radio I Bow My Head And Pray."

Lucious chanteuse Katy Perry is giving her Bible-banging mother the vapors over the lyrics of her latest song, "I Kissed A Girl."

Mother Mary fumed,

I can't even listen to that song. The first time I heard it I was in total shock. When it comes on the radio I bow my head and pray. She knows how disappointed her father and I are. I hate the song. It clearly promotes homosexuality and its message is shameful and disgusting. Katy is our daughter and we love her but we strongly disagree with what she is doing and the message she is promoting regarding homosexuality which the Bible clearly states is a sin. Katy is not a homosexual and I fear she has been led astray by the Hollywood crowd. I pray that God will work through her and help her find salvation.

Katy responded,

I stopped trying to change them at 21.

- Daily Star UK | Bible Belt Mum 'Furious' At Katy Perry
- All growed up | KatyPerry.com

I'm Not a Molester, You're a Jesus Hater

Scott Snyder, 34, the Pastor of New Beginnings Bible Fellowship Church in York, PA, was charged last week by the Pennsylvania State Police with two counts of corruption of minors.

According to the York Daily Record Snyder admitted to "sending inappropriate text messages and photos of himself to a 14-year-old girl's cell phone. He also admitted to police that he kissed a 13-year-old girl on the lips in a church van, charging documents state."

Snyder doesn't see the charges as an attack on him, but an example of the hatred the media has for the Lord Jesus Christ. In an email response Snyder whined,

It is a sad day once again as we see the corruption of this world and the media. I have spent the last 7 days with our military soldiers and hear from them also of the lack of truth presented by the media. So much false information has been broadcasted and televised concerning charges and accusations against me. Things have been said that I have never said and accusations made that are simply not true. While this has been a direct attack on myself I believe it has really been a direct attack against the truth that I preach and stand for. This world hates Jesus Christ and any servant of His and is seeking to destroy the truth of God's Word. Once again we have seen the corruption of our media and its worldly sources. This country did have a motto that a person was innocent until proven guilty beyond a reasonable doubt. Unfortunately you are now guilty before the evidence is even presented. You are destroyed before the truth is known. This is a case that shows the horrible condition of our country and the open hatred toward our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, and those men of God who still stand preaching the salvation of Jesus Christ. I cannot change how you feel about all the false information presented and reported about me, but I can say once again it is false, and that this will not stop me from continuing to preach the gospel of Jesus Christ.
[my emphases]

Jesus called. He said, "Don't help."

- Church Website | New Beginnings Bible Fellowship Church
- York Daily Record | Pastor denies charges

Ermine Flap

"This old thing? I only wear this when I don't care how I look!"*

An Italian animal rights group is taking the pope to task over his penchant for the snow white fur of the "Armenian rat," from which the name "ermine" derives. Not a rat at all, but a Mustela erminea, more commonly known as the short-tailed weasel, or stoat.

Pope Benedict has earned a reputation as a bit of a fashion plate, donning what are rumored to be red Prada shoes, though the Vatican swears they are custom made by the pope's own cobbler. Pope Benedict seems very fond of red, and it's a good color for him. It makes him appear very lifelike.

The pope illustrates the saying, "If you wait long enough, everything comes back into fashion." Much of what he wears, the red velvet cape and santa hat, for instance, have been languishing in the back of the closet, with the leg warmers and elephant bells, since the 60's. Pope John XXIII was the last to wear red velvet.

Could the pope have been coveting this ensemble since the 60's, hoping and praying to one day be pope, perhaps trying the outfit on when no one else was around?

Isn't she cute?

- Guardian UK | Vatican: Pope makes fur fly over revival of ermine robes
- Wikipedia | Ermine
* Line from Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life."

Robert Tilton Farts | Puerile, Hysterical

Bwahahahaha....

- Thanks, | BoingBoing.net

Make a Spoof Video About Abortion - Win $1000

The California Catholic Daily is offering a $1000 prize for the best Proposition 4 video. This (above) seems to be the only entry. You have until August 31 to get yours submitted. The winning video may even be used in TV ads.

Proposition 4, also called "Sarah's Law," is parental notification dusted off and run up the flagpole once again. The California Catholic Daily suggests,

Make your own TV ad. With YouTube technology, anyone can make a 30- or 60-second ad -- use the story of a young girl you know, make a spoof of arguments from the other side, use animation, use materials already on FriendsofSarah.com and dramatize them.
[my emphasis]

Use the story of a young girl you know - perhaps one who needed or had an abortion? Make a spoof about it? Because young pregnant girls and their problems are so very funny? And what is YouTube technology?

Proposition 73 (2005) and 85 (2006) were both parental notification ballot initiatives, and both would have changed the California state constitution. YesOn73.net was funded in large part by Jim Holman (California Catholic Daily and Friends of Sarah) and Tom Monaghan (Domino's Pizza). Both measures were defeated by voters.

Instead of being straightforward and calling Proposition 4 a parental notification law, Friends of Sarah wanted it titled, "Child and Teen Safety and Stop Predators Act: Sarah's Law." The proposition doesn't have anything to do with sexual predators. The link is that some teenaged women become pregnant by men who are adults, which constitutes statutory rape.

There is no Sarah. The "Sarah" (not her real name) that Friends of Sarah references was a 15-year-old Texas woman in a common law marriage who died during an abortion. Sarah's Law would not have affected her.

The official title of Proposition 4 will be, Waiting Period and Parental Notification Before Termination of Minor's Pregnancy, Initiative Constitutional Amendment. Thank you, Jerry Brown.

Vote No on 4. Don't eat Domino's pizza.

- Seeing the Forest | Stop Sarah's Law -- California Proposition 4
- Jim Holman | California Catholic Daily
- Jim Holman | Friends of Sarah
- LA Times | Girl who inspired 'Sarah's Law' is subject of dispute over the abortion measure
- California Secretary of State | Propositions that are on the
November 4, 2008, General Election Ballot

Ex-alcoholic Professional Pool Hustler Gives Ex-alcoholic Professional Pool Hustlers a Bad Name

Dr. (of theology and ministry) William H. Crews is a televangelist starring in his own show, The Awakening Hour. He was arrested on July 27 for driving under the influence and violating state liquor laws. This arrest came two days before he was arrested at his home on a charge of criminal domestic violence. The police report states that Crews came home drunk and argued with his wife, Dr. (of ministry) Freda Crews. Fearing for her safety she grabbed a gun and locked herself in a bathroom. From there she called a relative who then called the police.

Freda Crews is a licensed professional counselor and certified clinical mental health counselor who also writes books on depression, grief, and marriage. She hold two doctorates. Not only did this versatile scholar receive a doctorate from the International University for Graduate Studies, in St. Kitts, West Indies, but she's also the Dean of the University!

At the time of his first arrest William Crews complained to police that he has a heart condition that requires him to drink a small amount of alcohol and that he'd only had half a bottle of wine before he was stopped by the troopers. He failed a field sobriety test. He spent the night in jail and was released the next day on bail.

William Crews was an alcoholic and professional pool hustler before he came to Christ.

- WSPA.com | Embattled Evangelist Charged With DUI
- William Crews' TV Show | TheAwakeningHour.org
- All about | DrFredaCrews.com
- Dr. Freda Crews' TV Show | Time For Hope

The Ten

Ten stories about the ten commandments.

The Ten is written and directed by David Wain and cowritten by Ken Marino. This cavalcade of stars includes Jessica Alba, Winona Ryder, Paul Rudd, Famke Janssen, Adam Brody, Gretchen Mol, Kerri Kenney-Silver, Oliver Platt, Rob Corddry, Janeane Garofalo, Ron Silver and many others.

Hilarious sketch-style sendup of the human condition as it collides with God's often arbitrary rules. Includes a Sunday morning men's group with the purpose of walking around nude listening to Roberta Flack, a keeping up with the Joneses battle between neighbors to own the most high end medical imaging equipment, and a lusty scene between Winona Ryder and a ventriloquist's dummy.

- Wikipedia | The Ten

Hey, Let's Dig Here!

For all of you who worry that your deceased loved one will be passed over by Christian youth seeking a corpse to toy with (see references below), consider buying one of these solar lighted graveside accompaniments. They come in the shape of a crucifix, an angel, or a Bible - perpetually turned to the 23rd Psalm. The Solar Bible is only $39.95.

- Earlier post | Christian brothers dig up corpse to date
- Earlier post | Homeschooled boys dig up corpse to make bong

Imprecatory Prayer Against Obama Offered By Dobson's Buttboy

Even cracker James Dobson must have thought Stuart Shepard went too far because the video commentary, Pray for Rain, was ripped from the website CitizenLink sometime this week. All you'll find now is "file not found." But the page is cached at Google. The copy reads,

Stuart Shepard is looking for people who will pray for rain -- on a certain day, at a certain time, in a certain location.

The location is the Democratic National Convention in Denver, CO, and the certain time is when Obama gives his speech at the end of the Convention.

Shepard prays for

...abundant rain, torrential rain... flood-advisory rain. I'm talking about umbrella-ain't-gonna-help-you rain... swamp-the-intersections rain.

Because Jesus is his bitch, see? That's what he thinks of the man who supposedly died to save him from his sins.

- The Carpetbagger Report | How about praying for a brain instead?

Fred Phelps Misses Autograph Signing

Fascist pastor Fred Phelps must have been wondering how he could leverage his appearance at the Winnipeg premiere of a parody theater piece about his life when he got the bright idea to protest the funeral of the guy who got his head cut off on the bus.

Last month Tim McLean, 22, was stabbed to death on a Greyhound bus by Vince Weiguang Li, a recent immigrant to Canada.

Fred Phelps and members of his Westboro church had threatened to picket the funeral claiming that McLean's death was God's vengeance for Canada turning a blind eye to homosexuality, abortion and adultery.

Chances are Fred Phelps was just going to be in the neighborhood, "protesting" Alister Newton's premiere of The Pastor Phelps Project: a fundamentalist cabaret.

Phelps and his clan were turned away at the Canadian border.

The ever lovely Shirley Phelps-Roper, daughter of Fred, told reporters,

They won't let us in, but we have a group that will cross in another spot. They'll have to strip search everyone who crosses that border or they won't know who we are. They'll have to see the WBC (Westboro Baptist Church) tattoo on our butts.

Eww!

- National Post | Controversial U.S. church group stopped at border
- Canada.com | McLean laid to rest in Winnipeg
- Facebook | The Pastor Phelps Project: a fundamentalist cabaret

Bruce Ivins | Possible Religious Angle

From Feminist Daily News Wire,

Bruce Ivins, the biodefense researcher accused by the Department of Justice of being solely responsible for the 2001 anthrax attacks, may have been motivated by personal anti-abortion politics. Letters containing anthrax spores were mailed to former Senator Tom Daschle and Senator Patrick Leahy. It is now theorized that Ivins may have targeted these senators specifically because of their standing as Catholics who had voted in favor of abortion rights.

Bruce Ivins died July 29. His death was ruled a suicide, though questions surrounding the events of his death have led to conspiracy theories.

- FeministCampus.org | Abortion Stance Theorized to be Anthrax Suspect's Motive
Thanks, Yamara.

But I'm a CHRISTIAN!!!!!

Brenda Bouschet, of Lake Worth, FL, thought it would be fun for her four-year-old granddaughter to ride on the roof of her car, so she and her aunt allowed it, holding onto the child's legs as they drove slowly into a parking lot.

Panic ensued, and several passersby, including a fireman, called the police, who tossed Bouschet into jail overnight. She was charged with felony child abuse. Bouschet complained,

I've never been in trouble. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I'm a good person. I'm a Christian.

- Sun-Sentinel.com | Grandmother who drove with girl atop car protests her arrest

Vagina Dentata Sighting

I was sitting at a stop light on Hyperion, in LA, the other day staring at a sign just like this, when the image shifted, and all of a sudden it became very, very dirty - wide open thighs and a practically anatomically correct vagina and clitoris, with teeth, of course.

It's not because I have a dirty mind. Universal Studios Hollywood is the one with the dirty pictures.

What do you think?

Rock Me Sexy Jesus

Steve Coogan stars in Hamlet 2, which looks like it might be "High School Music" meets "The Producers" meets "Waiting for Guffman."

For all of you Bible bangers out there who feel Jesus is underrepresented in Hollywood, you'll be pleased to know that Jesus is alive and well in Hamlet 2. In fact, Steve Coogan, who recently played a director in Tropic Thunder references Jesus in that movie, as well. Says Coogan,

I like to work Jesus into all my roles

So quit your whining, Middle America, and pass the damned popcorn.

- NewsDay | To laugh or not: for Coogan, an easy question
- YouTube | Rock Me Sexy Jesus
- IMDB | Hamlet 2

UK Pitbull Cloner Kidnapped Missionary

Bernann McKinney, the nutter who made news recently for mortgaging her house to clone her pet pitbull "Booger," bears a striking resemblance to Joyce McKinney, who in 1978 kidnapped a Mormon missionary and made him a sex slave.

In 1978 Joyce McKinney fell hard for Kirk Anderson, subdued him with chloroform and chained him to a bed in Devon, England. When he came to McKinney tried to convince him to marry her, but he refused. At that point she raped him.

Anderson escaped. McKinney was caught, but also escaped, changed her name, and fled England. In 1984 she was arrested in Salt Lake City, near where Anderson worked, with rope and handcuffs in her car.

McKinney denies being McKinney.

- Dog-cloner denies she was Mormon sex kidnapper Joyce McKinney

Marriage: One Man, One Woman, At a Time

It's the job of California Attorney General Jerry Brown to name ballot propositions and the one he's picked for Proposition 8, which would alter the California State Constitution to ban same sex marriage, is accurate, though controversial.

Many in favor of Proposition 8 think it should be titled,

Only marriage between a man and a woman is valid or recognzed in California

while Jerry Brown titled the measure,

Eliminates Right of Same-Sex Couples to Marry.

The latter reflects the language of the court ruling legalizing gay marriage in California. Gays have the right to marry and this measure, if passed, would eliminate that.

Proponents of Proposition 8 fell that the word "eliminates" is prejudicial. It seems they don't want voters to know they'll be voting against the right of members of the same sex to marry.

It's ridiculous that the California constitution can be changed by a majority on a ballot measure. The California constitution is not a screenplay. We don't need everyone's "notes." It should not be altered to reflect the whims of American mullahs.

- Even the Naming of Proposition 8 is Controversial

Singer Head Butts Brother at Baptism

British chanteuse Joss Stone was slated to stand as godmother at her nephew's baptism, but things didn't turn out as planned.

According to the U.K. Mirror, the 21-year-old diva showed up 30 minutes late to her half-brother Daniel Skillin's son, Louis' baptism. This apparently irked her family a bit since she was supposed to be Louis' godmother. However, when Stone then refused to properly read out the church order of service and called some older relatives, "old biddies," her brother went ape shit and took her down!

"She was absolutely furious and they had a full-blown argument," one church-going guest told the Mirror. "They were screaming at each other and the next thing, Joss headbutted him.

"Other family members ran over to break it up and she stormed off. It turned from a nice family affair into a brawl between Joss and her brother. No one could believe it."

- bodogBeat | Joss Stone Headbutts Brother at Church

Pastor Murders 85-Year-Old Man for Money

Howard Douglas Porter, 57, a former pastor of Hickman Community Church, is facing life in prison without the possibility of parole for murder for financial gain and murder of a witness.

Porter's victim was Frank Craig, an 85-year-old bachelor who had squirreled away a lifetime of savings, and inherited $2 million from a life insurance policy. Porter befriended him and offered to build an agriculatural museum, which would house Craig's collection of antique agricultural tools. Then Porter staged two car wrecks, the first left Craig unable to walk and the second killed him. Porter spent Craig's money and even sold his home, but ground was never broken for the museum project.

According to CNN, Porter "...was convicted Monday of first-degree murder, embezzlement, elder abuse and attempted murder."

- CNN | Pastor guilty of murdering millionaire
- Hickman Community Church

She-Pastor Assaults Air Hostess

Victoria Osteen, leggy blonde and wife of pastor and author Joel Osteen, is being sued by Sharon Brown, a flight attendant, who claims Osteen assaulted her. After an altercation with Brown, Osteen and her family voluntarily left the plane, or were asked to leave, according to FBI Special Agent Luz Garcia. The FAA fined Osteen $3000 for interfering with a crew member during a flight.

Joel and Victoria Osteen are both pastors of Lakewood Church in Houston. Joel Osteen writes book on having a better life. Victoria's new book, Love Your Life, will help you,

Embrace joy and live your life to the fullest! From the co-pastor of Lakewood Church and wife of best-selling author Joel Osteen comes a simple plan to help busy women reach their full potential. Learn to manage the pressures of the modern world, understand your awesome responsibilities, make beautiful choices, and achieve true happiness.

Otherwise she'll fuck you up.

- FOXNews.com | Flight Attendant Sues Wife of Evangelist Joel Osteen Over Alleged Air-Rage Incident
- Landover Baptist | Victoria Osteen Tells All to a Landover Lady

Not So Set Free Soldiers

According to the LA Times, members of a Christian biker gang have run afoul of the law, by allegedly attacking members of the Hell's Angels.

Officers arrested eight members of an Anaheim biker gang and charged them with attempted murder this morning as part of an ongoing operation, authorities said.

The charges stem from a fight last week at a Newport Beach bar between two biker gangs, said Anaheim police Sgt. Tim Schmidt. The group arrested this morning are members of a Christian biker gang named Set Free Soldiers, and the victims are members of the Hells Angels, Schmidt said.

The operation, which included SWAT teams, began about 5 a.m. today, Schmidt said. No injuries were reported, Schmidt said, adding that officers served 11 warrants, all on attempted murder charges.

Other than photos, videos, and merchandise, there is little on the Set Free Soldiers website. The only copy reads,

This is the official site for Set Free Worldwide Ministires!!!!! I am Pastor Phil, aka Dr. Phil, aka The Chief who pioneered, Set Free Church's Worldwide, and also pioneered the Los Angeles International Church and Dream Center along with Pastor Tommy Barnett, and his son Matthew. I have been a consulant for the SBC [Southern Baptist something or other], and have served time on the board for TBN [Trinity Broadcasting Network], and consider myself to be one of the most fortunate individuals on the planet. I have a wonderful wife, beautiful children, grandchildren and get to ride my Harley with the Set Free Soldier's Motorcycle Crew. We welcome all who would like to be part of our team to enroll in our Set Free Home Study University, or our Set Free Soldiers Motorcycle Ministry. We sell Soldiermade clothing to represent as a street soldier for the Lord, and we have videos, and hip hop, worship CD's for purchase also.

According to the LA Times, Phil Aguilar, the leader of Set Free Soldiers, was taken into custody and is being held on $1 million bail.

- Thanks, Dan Savage, of The Slog
- LA Times | Christian biker gang members charged with attempted murder
- Set Free Soldiers Worldwide
- Set Free Soldiers

Steal This Soap

I *LOVE* PassiveAggressiveNotes.com and especially enjoyed this thoughtful note from the office nudge.

I PRAY No one steals These items... Please Leave this in the 8th fl Back bathroom... God Bless

Apparently it makes Baby Jesus get crucified when you steal the soap.

Make Me a Christian

Leave it to the Brits to put together a reality TV show based on converting people to Christianity. Queue the biker atheist, the lesbian, the witch, the Muslim, a shacked up couple with a bun in the oven, a playboy and a family of six.

Armed with the thumbscrews are:

George Hargreaves, of the Christian Party
Joanna Jepson, of the Church of England
John Flynn, representing the Catholics
Wale Babatunde, of Kensington Temple

Can't wait to see it!

- Channel 4 | Make Me a Christian
- Christianity Today | TV series sets hells angel, lesbian and playboy Bible challenge
- Sharp Iron | Have You Heard This One? A Lesbian, a Playboy and a Biker Walk Into a Bible Study

Atheist Finds Nothing in His Toast

At Cynical-C:

I wasn't that hungry tonight so I just thought I would make some toast when all of a sudden it popped up and I was staring at the face of NOBODY in the toast! HOLY WHITE BREAD! What are the chances of an atheist getting a piece of toast that looks like nothing! Someone call the media! I haven't been this shocked since I found the Flying Spaghetti Monster in my vermicelli.

McCain | Vote for the Other Guy

McCain's campaign is still trying to make fun of Obama's suggestion that keeping our cars and tires tuned up will save us over a billion gallons of oil a year. The thing is, it's true. Even President Bush's Highway Traffic Safety Department agrees.

So what brainiac is responsible for giving away an Obama tireguage for a $25 donation to the McCain campaign? Worse yet, it's not branded "Vote McCain," but "Obama's Energy Plan." That way, when people using the tireguage discover that they are indeed saving money on gas, they'll know who is responsible for the savings - Obama.

Here's what scientists have to say,

The study indicates that substantial benefits would accrue if car care facilities systematically offered complimentary tire pressure checks with oil changes including: (i) increased safety by decreasing all crashes and saving more than 100 lives per year, (ii) reduced petroleum consumption by over a billion gallons/year, which would (iia) provide over $4 billion in economic savings for US consumers that could in part be recouped in retail/auto-care facilities, (iib) reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 13.5 million tons and automobile pollution and (iic) enhance national security.

Gee. Thanks, McCain!

- JohnMcCain.com | Obama Tiregauge
- McCain Tire Gauge Mocking Of Obama Ignores Support From Those On His Side Of The Aisle
- Energy conservation from systematic tire pressure regulation
- Obama.com | Issues | Energy and Environment

Fresh Out of Texas - The Ear Bible

Order now, for Christmas - the Ear Bible, "because faith comes by hearing."

Our lives are busy. Cooking, cleaning, commuting, and many other tasks consume much of our time. The Ear Bible was invented to convert these daily routines into time for becoming better acquainted with the Bible. Just 25 minutes of listening per day will take a person through the entire Bible twice in one year!

Faith, in this case comes at $149.95, plus $14.95 for the charger.

- Ear Bible

Republican Family Values

Bob Schaffer is a conservative, prolife, family values Republican running for U.S. Senate in Colorado. His 20-year-old son, Justin, whose Facebook page was graced by the images above, and more, has different values. Examples of these include an image of the pyramids with the text, "Slavery gets shit done." Another graphic suggests you can earn 1000 points by running over a child in your car. Other graphics suggest that Barrack Obama is gay, separated at birth from Count Chocula, and that Obama is really Osama bin Laden.

A statement issued by Justin Schaffer consisted of the following,

The offensive materials directly contradict the values that my parents taught me and are forbidden in my parents' home. My Facebook page is my sole responsibility...

It is clear that my actions were juvenile, disrespectful, and a mistake on my part

I expect that Bob Schaffer will blame his son's bad judgement on a runaway culture, and not any failings of his own.

- Facebook Mirror | Justin Schaffer
- Daily Kos | Bob Schaffer's pro-slavery family values?

His Little Minister Wanted a Collar of Its Own

Scott Murray, a pastor at the New Covenant Church of Clyde, North Carolina, broke his leg fleeing from the home of a female congregant. He allegedly broke into her house and stole a sex toy and a bottle of personal lubricant. He has since resigned and turned himself into police, who charged him with felony burglary and larceny.

The congregation is shocked, I say, SHOCKED!

- Breitbart.tv | North Carolina Pastor Broke Into Woman’s Home to Steal Sex Toy
- New Covenant Church
- Thanks, Slog
- ANTIDOTE | Divine Interventions
- Sex Toys in the Bible:

"Thou hast also taken thy fair jewels of my gold and of my silver, which I had given thee, and madest to thyself images of men, and didst commit whoredom with them..."
Ezekiel 16:17

Debaptism Ceremony

A small group of atheists gathered in Westerville, Ohio last weekend to have their baptisms undone, and to "come out" as atheists. Frank Zindler, of American Atheists officated. Walking under the "Blowdryer of Reason" each responded uniquely. One young girl yelled, "I can see!" One woman fell, revival style, into the arms of the woman behind her.

Members of the Worthington Christian Church protested outside. According to The Columbus Dispatch,

"They're making a decision that there's life without God, and we're concerned about it," protester Matt Lieser said.

I don't know that I'd ever undo my baptism. It meant something to me. Aside from anything about God it was a conscious decision to choose the life I'd been given. That's what being "born again" means to me, though I think the term "born again" is disrespectful to our mothers, who gave us our lives. Our first birth is perfectly adequate and doesn't need to be fixed by a guy, no matter how divine.

- The Friendly Atheist | Scenes from an Atheist De-Baptism Ceremony
- The Columbus Dispatch | Atheists bond during 'de-baptism'
- American Atheists | Future Events

McCain Calls Obama Antichrist

First McCain compared Obama to Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Now it's Jesus, Moses, or the Antichrist, depending on your level of fundamentalism.

It shall be known that in 2008 the world will be blessed. They will call him "The One."

The world shall recieve his blessings...

Barrack Obama may be "The One," but is he ready to lead.

In case you didn't get it, McCain is just joking. Sheesh, does he have to explain everything to you?

Over at WorldNetDaily endtimer Hal Lindsey writes How Obama prepped world for the Antichrist.

This is what happens when conservatives can't use the "n" word.

Hooray for the Red, White and Blue

Representative Pete Sessions (R-Tex) is a recipient of the True Blue award from the Family Research Council and Focus on the Family. The True Blue award is awarded to "...Members of Congress who have exhibited extraordinary leadership and commitment to the defense of family, faith, and freedom," according to Tony Perkins of FRCAction.org.

You may remember Sessions for his condemnation of Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake. Sessions claimed the duo forced "their liberal values upon the rest of the country," after Jackson's nipple slip during the 2004 Super Bowl halftime show.

Last year Pete Sessions, paragon of virtue, held a fundraising event at a Las Vegas burlesque club, The Forty Deuce. While there is no complete nudity at the club the acts cannot be called "family friendly" by any stretch of the imagination, as you can see from the photo above,.

- Washington Post | GOP Rep. Sessions' Defends His Burlesque Fundraiser