Christian pop culture through the eyes of a radical housewife and part time atheist, Miss Poppy Hussein Dixon. Online since 1995. Stop by every day for the latest in Christian crime, intimidation, fraud, and foolishness.

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Thursday, February 5, 2009

Masturbation is the New Molestation


Every now and then Christians trot out masturbation as a sin, and wage a campaign against it. Here's the latest. I suppose the shirt is supposed to make it easier for strangers to strike up a conversation about masturbation with you.

Dr. Ty (I don't think he's a real doctor) writes,
I have heard it said by many, especially by "Christians", that masturbation is not sex and even if you don't have a third grade education, you can clearly see that masturbation is sex. But many like to use that as an excuse to do it
Frankly, I have never needed an excuse to masturbate.
Most people who have engaged in masturbation know that the culmination of this sexual act ends in shame. I don't have to share with you the thousands of emails of the admittance of this shame because you know all too well since you have experienced it yourself. Curled up in a fetal position, crying, because your bed is even more empty and you're lonelier than you did before you violated yourself...Because God never created sex so that you could gratify yourself. The dictionary defined masturbation as self abuse...the miss use of yourself. The mistreatment, the manipulation, the exploitation of YOU.
Poor, poor brainwashed Christian.

Now if you really want to stop, get yourself some HandzOff gum. "Two HandzOff chews offer 4 to 6 hours of relief. You may chew up to 120 pieces daily as needed."

- Passion for Christ Movement | E T-shirts
- | MASTERbation, because, doi, it MASTERS you.


Anonymous said...

If the print up some Ex-Molester shirts they can make a fortune selling them to Catholic priests!

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Scott S. di Vincenzo said...

Seems like its always the reformed "married" folk ( and married before 30 I might ad ) that LOVE to condemn desperate single Christians in their 20's -40's who are craving the intimacy of marriage.
They condemn masturbation as IF single Christians PREFER It to normal heterosexual behavior in the context of marriage.
Additionally, they attack masturbation as selfish pride and self focused as IF someone else is being denied as a result of "self focusing" masturbation.
Well, I am quite confident that the Christian wife is ALSO "self focused" when her husband
is performing OS oh her yet somehow the SINGLE believer is "selfish"
Look, I am not advocating lustful masturbation, but I am very confused as to WHY Christian leaders would prefer that single Christians toss and turn in hours of mental denial ( lusting ) INSTEAD of managing r the natural biology that STOPS the lusting.
Suppressing single Christian sexual biology INCREASES lustful chaos
Even the most carnal sexual appetites are LIMITED to biological capacity. In any case, however, I think married people ought to stay out of these discussions.