Sorry Tom, No Church For You

Ron Howard and Tom Hanks have balls. After the excoriation given them by the Catholic church for their movie The Da Vinci Code they went back to Rome and asked to film the prequel in Santa Maria del Popolo and Santa Maria della Vittoria. The Catholic church said no, though they are allowed to film exteriors.

Catholic Jesus

The Catholic church, unclear on the concept of fiction, took The Da Vinci Code as literally as it takes that pastiche of ancient pot boilers called The Bible, and succumbed to conniptions. The Da Vinci Code suggests that Jesus married Mary Magdalene and they had children. The Catholic church wants to keep their Ken-doll Jesus inviolate.

I'd like to write the sequel to The Da Vinci Code, and here's what happens. Yes, Jesus marries Mary Magdalene and they have a couple of kids. But then Mags gets sick of Jesus' messiah complex and takes the kids and moves to France. She dumps his ass. In an I'll-show-her display Jesus gets himself arrested and crucified. What begins as an episode of Jerry Springer ends up as a major world religion. Damn, someone already made the porn version - The Da Vinci Coed.

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