We Are All Hussein

That now includes Emily Hussein Nordling, of Fort Thomas, Kentucky, Jaime Hussein Alvarez, of Washington, D.C., Kelly Hussein Crowley, of Norman, OK., and Sarah Beth Hussein Frumkin, of Chicago, IL.

Obama supporters across the country are informally changing their middle names to Hussein, in solidarity with their candidate.

The image above is from Stanley Kubrick's movie "Spartacus," about the outlaw slave leader played by Kirk Douglas. When the authorities ask the captured slaves which is Spartacus, each steps forward saying, "I am Spartacus." It's really an amazing movie - I saw it while I was babysitting at the age of 13. It started me on a lifelong appreciation for the love that dare not speak its name.

And by the way, my name is now Miss Poppy Hussein Dixon. What's yours?

YouTube: "I'm Spartacus!"

Are You Hussein Enough?

Obama Supporters Take His Name as Their Own

Jesus of the Gas Pump

Workers at Verona Marble, in Dallas, Texas, see Jesus in a slab of granite. Where others see "a belt, sword, or glowing book," I cleary see a gas pump.

Verona Marble pulled the slab from inventory and are putting it on display. It came from a quarry in Brazil.

Dallas Residents See Jesus In Granite Slab

Who, or what, do you see?

Obama is Not Jesus

According to Luke Thomas, at FogCityJournal.com, L.A.'s mayor Anthony Villaraigosa, a former Hillary supporter, told a crowd at a San Francisco fundraiser, "I'm here in San Francisco to say I am now - I have found Jesus - and I am an Obamite."

For the record: Obama is not Jesus. He is not your personal savior. He will not grant your every wish. He is bound to disappoint. He is the best thing that's happened to this country in a long time, and I hope he wins.

Never Mail Ice Cubes

I was standing in line at the post office one day, waiting to mail packages for MissPoppy.com, and saw this poster on the wall.

You're not supposed to mail ice cubes!

After all this time...

More: The Poster Above

Fred Phelps Faces Competition in Eastboro Baptists

Just when you thought that Fred Phelps' little band of performance artists had topped the charts in offensive behavior, along comes the upstart sect The Eastboro Baptists at GodHatesEveryoneExceptForUs.com.

God hates EVERYONE except the Eastboro Baptists. This includes FAGS, black people, every other race except white people, fat people, unattractive people, cancer patients, children, babies, Mexicans, Swedes, Norwegians, Scandinavia in general, non-Americans, all other Americans except us, immigrants (illegal and legal), feminists, liberals, aborted fetus’ (for they have committed the ultimate sin), the cognitively disabled, deaf people, blind people, scientists, Darwin, environmentalists, Al Gore, Jews, Catholics, Evangelicals, Mormons, Muslims (except for the ones who hate the U.S.), Musselman's Applesauce, people who follow any religion other than our imaginative version of Christianity, citizens of whatever town we happen to be picketing in, victims of any tragedy that makes the national news and their family and friends, kittens, etc. --- You are all sinners in the eyes of the almighty God!

Kittens?

What do you think? In what ways are kittens and cats the enemies of the church?

Jesus Likes to Watch

The artist is right. No one would have paid any attention to Winnipeg's mural of the year had a Cannuckstani woman not railed against it, calling it "glorified graffiti."

The Canadian Central Plains Herald-Leader reports,

"I know a lot of people would find [the mural] appealing. I don’t see any artistic merit in it myself," said a woman who lives across the street.

More: Jesus mural painter gives critic thanks

What do you think? Should religious murals be allowed in residential neighborhoods?

Make McCain Exciting

My favorite so far.

Thanks, Cynical-C

The Ultimate Grrr... Ticket

A McCain / Cheney Ticket?

Don't be surprised if this happens, and remember that you heard it here first. The GOP, your one stop shop for hubris.

Texas Church Helps Lay People

Matt Jonker can't get work as a minister so he works as a caddy. His wife, Christina, works part time in an accountant's office. They've been married five and half years and have been trying to have a baby, but no luck - until now. The Jonkers were chosen at random in a church contest and the grand prize is fertility treatments.

The "Gift of Life" contest bore the tagline, "One Couple, One Opportunity, One New Life." The contest was the brainchild of Pastor Keith Luttrell of the Eleven7 Church (in Texas - better luck next time, Florida).

Christian organizations, such as James Dobson's Family Research Council lobby against birth control because they don't see reproduction as a legitimate health issue for women. All I ask is for consistency. If Christians want to outlaw birth control - letting God alone control the "opening and closing of the womb*" - then you don't get to trump God and use science to make a baby. It seems Christians are saying that man can't play God in preventing pregnancies, but can in their conception, which underscores the fact that God and the Bible are just a cover for whatever the Hell these people want to do anyway.

* Genesis 20:18, Genesis 25:4

Earlier at Adult Christianity: Hey, Wanna Get Pregnant?

Bedford couple wins a chance at fertility from Southlake church

Thanks GayBlackJew.com/

The Friday Fishwrap

Pastor gets 5 years in prison
"Leon Rankins III, 36, of Restoration Full Gospel Baptist Church... accused of molesting teenager to serve 5 years, must register as sex offender."

Pastor's son among four murder accused
"A church youth leader - a pastor's son - is among the men charged in connection with the murder and robbery of Manurewa liquor store owner Navtej Singh."

N. Augusta pastor arrested on sex charges; sheriff says more victims
"Authorities say 69-year-old Lawrence Smith, of North Augusta, South Carolina, is charged with criminal sexual conduct with a minor - second degree (three counts), lewd act upon a child (three counts) and assault and battery high and aggravated nature (three counts)."

And on the "lighter" side, one brave pastor blusters from his keyboard,
Police Threaten to Arrest Pastor for Anti-Islamic Tract!
"In essence, I would dare them to arrest me. If they did, I would fight them in court and the following morning I would file a multi-million dollar false arrest lawsuit against the detective, the police department, and the county where the incident took place. I would also file an anti-discrimination suit against them in Federal Court since they would have infringed on my religious rights. After all, racial minorities, perverts, women, and Muslims are not the only ones who have rights."

Thorougly Modern Millie? Hagee, Join the 21st Century!

I take exception to John Hagee's bat shit insane description of the secular humanist woman. I am a part time atheist, about as secular humanist as you can get. I don't smoke. I don't drink. I've never had an abortion. I'm a mother. I stay at home. I bake cookies. And from my little aerie I try to disturb as much shit as I can, especially this hate-mongering, life-destroying, backwater religious putrification.

Visit my store! Help support a stay-at-home mom!

Sorry Tom, No Church For You

Ron Howard and Tom Hanks have balls. After the excoriation given them by the Catholic church for their movie The Da Vinci Code they went back to Rome and asked to film the prequel in Santa Maria del Popolo and Santa Maria della Vittoria. The Catholic church said no, though they are allowed to film exteriors.

Catholic Jesus

The Catholic church, unclear on the concept of fiction, took The Da Vinci Code as literally as it takes that pastiche of ancient pot boilers called The Bible, and succumbed to conniptions. The Da Vinci Code suggests that Jesus married Mary Magdalene and they had children. The Catholic church wants to keep their Ken-doll Jesus inviolate.

I'd like to write the sequel to The Da Vinci Code, and here's what happens. Yes, Jesus marries Mary Magdalene and they have a couple of kids. But then Mags gets sick of Jesus' messiah complex and takes the kids and moves to France. She dumps his ass. In an I'll-show-her display Jesus gets himself arrested and crucified. What begins as an episode of Jerry Springer ends up as a major world religion. Damn, someone already made the porn version - The Da Vinci Coed.

Vatican Shows Ron Howard The Gate

Dirty Harry and Jesus Agree

Christian counselor Mike Scarlett wrote a very manly and enigmatic editorial titled Dirty Harry and Jesus Agree. While I get almost every allusion to the Godfather, versions I, II, and Goodfellas, Scarlet's editorial has left me in the dust, and I'm feeling quite the girl at the moment. For instance,

I love the old "Dirty Harry" movies. In one of these movies, just after Clint Eastwood pulled the trigger and killed the bad guy, he said, "A man's gotta know his limitations". The apostle Paul was faced with limitations too.

Hmm. That's quite a seque, from Clint Eastwood blowing someone's head off to the thorn in Paul's side (allegedly homoerotic desires). There are, however, many paths to the same Jesus. Scarlet continues,

Just as Dirty Harry had a physical gun with a trigger, we all have "emotional guns" with "emotional triggers". An emotional trigger is anything that stimulates us to do something. For example, if I smell a cherry pie, and I am tempted to eat it, the smell of the pie has become a trigger that could cause me to indulge.

Dirty Harry and cherry pie - is this guy channeling Homer Simpson? Scarlet continues to Jesus' commandments to cut off the hand or pluck out the eye that offends thee, explaining that he doesn't believe Jesus means that literally. Typical cafeteria Christian!

His point is that if you can't resist cherry pie, then don't drive by the bakery. Sound advice, if arrived at circuitously through symbols perhaps more understandable and comforting to men than women.

Oh, Ann Barnett! What NOT to Wear!

I usually avoid getting personal, especially with women, who take enough abuse for their looks, both "well meaning" and vicious, but in some cases I can't help myself. These case include women who are as mindlessly nasty as Kern County Clerk Ann Barnett, and women whose fashion sense is as woefully dreadful as hers.

Ann Barnett is in charge of Kern County weddings and is refusing marriages to anyone, now that gays are allowed to marry. She claims logistics, but has contacted James Dobson's Christian Alliance Defense Fund to represent her should anyone sue.

I've seen a couple of pictures of Ann Barnett - one in a salmon colored suit, and this one, in a pine green suit. Both of these colors are adored by tourists and promulgated by shop girls still doing people's colors by the season. Supposedly these colors can be worn by all seasons, which explains why they're worn by so many of the fashion clueless. I agree with the equality of these colors: salmon, pine, magenta, and periwinkle, but for other reasons. They don't look good on anyone. Salmon should only be worn by the fish. And if you don't want to be mistaken for a pine tree, or a cell phone tower disguised as one, don't wear pine green.

Ann, here's my biggest fashion tip for you. Quit being so hateful. You know that queasy sick feeling you're getting in your stomach over all of this? That's your conscience telling you you're wrong. Your conscience is pitted against all the bullshit you've been taught about the Bible and God. This is your chance to listen to reason, to become a human being, and if you want to keep being religious - this is your change to segue to a kinder, gentler faith - one in which Jesus, in all his dirty, hairy sensuality would not be forbidden.

Teach the Controversy

As long as we're teaching the controversy of evolution versus creationism (or intelligent design), let's teach a few others. How about my favorite - Satan burying dinosaur bones to confuse us and make us doubt God? And of course, there are T-shirts to go with them. Here's what the folks at WearScience.com describe their products.

'Big Science' is always suppressing The Truth with their blatant pro-evolution anti-wacko agenda: from the fact that UFOs built the pyramids to the reality of creationism and fact the universe is "Turtles All The Way Down". It is time to fight back and urge schools to Teach The Controversy with these intelligently designed t-shirts. All designs available in a variety of colors and styles, or feel free to create your own with our custom designer

Beautifully colored basic shirts run about $15. I love these!

Thanks, BoingBoing.net/

Kern Hole's Feelings Hurt

Acting every bit the turkey farmer's daughter

Since Kern County, California's Clerk Ann Barnett canceled weddings for everyone beginning June 17th, coincidentally the first day that people of the same sex may marry, she's received hate mail, calls to resign, and has allegedly been called a "religious terrorist". In response, Ann Barnett said,

I'm just a county clerk trying to do my job. I wasn't out to make a statement.

Hey, Ann! Here's a helpful hint, when you don't want to make a statement, don't engage Christian hate-meister James Dobson's virulently anti-gay Alliance Defense Fund to represent you.

Dave Champness, the pastor of RiverLakes Community Church, which Barnett attends, speaks highly of her and her family. Champness told reporters that "God designed us in his image, and he designed marriage for man and woman."

Champness and most anti-gay Christian bigots ignore the parts of the Bible that forbid adultery and divorce, two lifestyle choices that are highly prevalent among Christians - choices that Dobson's henchmen fail to address.

Seriously, which damages marriage more - homosexuality or divorce? Baby, that's no brainer. Divorce is the dissolution of a marriage - and even though Jesus explicitly forbids it, the Christian church condones it, even marrying divorced couples in church.

So really, it's not "Marriage between one man and one woman." It's "Marriage between one man and one woman at a time."

Christian anti-gay sentiment is anti-sex, anti-women, anti-black and anti-anything that doesn't have to do with white male privilege. In fact, it's anti-Jesus. It's a cynical, hypocritical, violent and life-hating indulgence. There are signs that this indulgence will bring down the Christian church as surely as religious indulgences did before the reformation.

Kern County Clerk deflects questions on marriage ceremony decision

Kern County clerk stung by criticism of her decision to halt civil weddings at her offices

Mark Wahlberg Thinking Of Jesus

Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Marky Mark?

I really liked The Sixth Sense, and really, really liked Unbreakable, by M. Night Shyamalan, so was looking forward to seeing Signs, even though the presence of Mel Gibson playing a priest made me nervous.

Signs was a stinking pile of sh*t, properly and hilariously skewered by Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards in Scary Movie 3. Signs is about (spoilers) all of these horrible things happening, but happening for a reason, and the reason is God, so no matter how bad things are, God still loves you. Mel Gibson/Charlie Sheen's wife gets cut in two. This causes Mel Gibson to lose his faith, and Charlie Sheen to ask the police if he could have five minutes with his wife's bottom half.

I'm offended by a God who can't just come out and tell you how to defeat murdering aliens, but has to do it by playing cosmic charades (Signs), which in this case includes cutting a woman in half, a failed baseball career, and an emotionally disturbed child. I didn't find Signs inspiring, but rather saccharine and insulting.

M. Night Shyamalan's latest movie is The Happening, and again he taps into the spiritual. Shymamalan is pretty cagey about his own personal beliefs but seems to prefer casting religious actors, his latest being Mark Wahlberg. Who knew HE was a Christian?

According to IO9

[Shyamalan] also claimed that [he cast] Mark Wahlberg because of his strong faith in Jesus. But Wahlberg's religious faith ended up causing a ton of reshoots. Whenever Shyamalan would ask Wahlberg what he was thinking about, and Wahlberg replied, "Jesus," Shyamalan would make him reshoot the scene in question. (Until he was no longer thinking about Jesus?)

Oh, well. I wouldn't throw Mark Wahlberg out of my bed for thinking of Jesus.


YouTube: Martin Sheen in Scary Movie 3 (Signs)

The Science Behind The Happening Is Jesus?

Image: MarkWahlbergFan.com

Get Out of My F*ing Way!

Humboldt County, CA
Elmer French,65, a former pastor waved a gun at a motorcyclist in a fit of road rage. He claims he thought the motorcycle would ram his SUV, and that the motorcycle rider would not let him pass. French has been charged with felony assault.

Former pastor accused of felony assault after a bout of road rage

Bill Maher's Religulous

At last: Bill Maher's Religulous. Directed by Larry Charles. You may know Larry Charles from his previous shows: Borat, Curb Your Enthusiasm, The Tick, and many others. Eat it, Ben Stein.

International House of Prayer Welcomes Smokers

James Crawford, the pastor at the International House of Prayer, presided over a good, old-fashioned book burning Friday night in Shreveport. Book fare burned included Harry Potter and porn. The porn was burned for the articles on evolution and stem cell research.

Same one? Or a competitor? International House of Prayer